Why People Misunderstand You and How to Avoid It

Have you ever wondered why you're misunderstood so much? Simply put, it's because of the complexities of communication. Hey there, fellow introvert on stage, this show is a safe space for the soft souls to learn, connect and master communication. I'm Olivia Lee and you're listening to Introvert on Stage. First, communication is more than just words. It's tone, gestures and context. Let's talk about communication modes.

Ever sent a text and then waited anxiously thinking did they get my joke or did that sound too harsh? Was that mean Because we've all been there, right? Maybe you experienced something on the other side too. This one time, my friend invited me to an event that would take place in a restaurant and I politely rejected, saying I'd be out of town on a family vacation. Later I got a one word response text from my friend saying okay. Since I didn't have the benefit of hearing her tone, I was unsure if my friend was actually okay or if she was hurt because I couldn't attend, and I even wondered if I had responded too quickly. I spent the next hour overthinking her one word reply only to find out that that's just how she texts. She was completely fine, she was completely understanding and was simply letting me know that she got the text, text and chat.

Strip away our facial expressions, verbal cues and tone of our voice. When we rely only on words, it's easy for things to get lost in translation. Well, here's a little bit of a tip One. In doubt, call or video chat Hello, let them see that beautiful smile of yours or hear your genuine laughter. Emojis are fun and all, but they can't replace the genuine warmth in our voices.

Secondly, our backgrounds and experiences shape how we perceive and interpret messages. Now onto our individual differences and perspectives, and here's a quick question for you when are you from? A busy city with more buildings than trees, or a peaceful countryside with chirping birds and green fields? I'm personally a countryside girl, stuck in a city girl's body. I was born and sold the busiest city in South Korea, but I always daydream about living in Switzerland, surrounded by nothing but nature and animals. Each of us comes from a unique world and our personal backgrounds shape our understanding, bringing different stories and viewpoints, whether it's differences in upbringing, education, socioeconomic status, cultural exposure or anything else you can think of. That difference drastically affects how two people interpret the same situation or message. Sometimes, when two people converse, it's like meshing two different worlds together. It can be harmonious or a bit clashing. The magic is in recognizing these differences, embracing them and finding a common ground. Lastly, assumptions and listening skills can make or break a conversation.

Let's address the elephant in the room. We don't want to talk about Making assumptions. We've all had people make assumptions about us that are just absolutely ridiculous, but I'm sure we've also all made them too. Sometimes they're innocent, something like oh, that person has a cute dog, so she must be nice, which I like to think it's true, because I have a cute dog. But other times they can lead us to categorize and judge people with no clear evidence. And do you know why people make assumptions? Because they're mental shortcuts. Assuming things can either help us navigate complex social situations or entirely skip on uncomfortable and scary steps of clarification and conflict resolution. It's totally understandable why we do this, but relying too much on making assumptions can lead to misjudgments and misunderstandings. Okay, here's a bonus point. Combine making assumptions with not truly listening and well, misunderstandings are bound to happen.

Have you ever caught yourself brainstorming what you're gonna say next before someone even finishes speaking? It's okay, no judgment here, because you're not alone. One time in a group ice-breaking session, I was so nervous and anxious about what I was gonna say in my turn, that I missed the entire chance of getting to know other people in the group, and I even mistakenly told the leader that one person didn't get to go. It turns out he already went Yikes. Truly connecting means actively listening, absorbing and then responding. You don't have to respond right away. It's okay to take time. In fact, to the other person, you, taking time to respond seems like you're truly putting in genuine thoughts and consideration before responding. So try it next time in a conversation, unless, of course, it's a simple yes or no question, like was it you who ate my last cookie? A late response to this question will surely make you the suspect.

So how can we bridge these communication gaps? Communication requires a lot of effort, awareness and understanding that misunderstanding is bound to happen. It happens all the time in face-to-face situations. So imagine how many more misunderstandings happen in digitally heavy times like this, whether it's text, social media, post, phone call, whatever it is. No matter how many times you've been misunderstood, I guarantee you that you also misunderstood others countless times.

So, instead of skipping to an easy route of making assumptions about others' intentions, ask Communication needs to take place in order for there to be communication in the first place, ask clarifying questions such as what did you mean by that? Or restating how you thought you understood it, and ask this is how I understood it. Was that your true intention, to clearly understand what the other person was really trying to say? Being misunderstood truly hurts.

As someone who's been misunderstood so severely to a point where I lost friendships and been cyberbullied to a point where I developed social anxiety, I empathize with you. I don't know exactly what you're going through in your life, but the fact that you clicked on this episode shows that you feel misunderstood, and feeling misunderstood hurts so deeply because sometimes it feels out of our control and it feels like there's nothing you can do to fix it. But what helped me was what my counselor shared with me it's your choice whether to stay a victim or choose to improve on your skills to avoid any future misunderstandings or resolved current ones. I want to wrap up with this quote by Elias Canetti, who was awarded a Nobel Prize in Literature Understanding, as we understand it, is misunderstanding. Thank you for listening and see you all next Tuesday. Bye, bye.